Weight (Bear with me...)

Weight is one of those annoying, horrible issues people either talk about way too much or are afraid to address at all. In other words, if we suddenly lose 20 pounds, everyone loves to say "Oh wow, have you lost weight? You look great," and we reply modestly by saying, "Oh well maybe a few pounds, I've been [fill in the blank with working out, on a new diet, having occassional lipo, starving myself, taking new antidepressants that make me lose my appetite, etc.]. I can't believe you noticed," followed by a shy smile. Or, let's say someone packs on some pounds and we start to notice. This is when we don't like to mention weight. However, this doesn't stop us from calling a mutual friend we share with the fat person and saying, "Omg, have you seen Fat Person lately? Is she pregnant? Didn't think so. Wow what a [whale, tub of lard, chunk, fat ass, etc]! I can't believe it."

Now, as a person who has been Suddenly Skinny, Fat Person, Gossip, and Mutual friend of Fat Person and Gossip, I'd like to share some thoughts:

1. There are so many reasons people gain/lose weight. Some may be obvious, such as they just don't give a shit anymore and enjoy laying on their couch and watching TV and venturing to Taco Bell every other night for Fourthmeal as opposed to running. Or maybe they've started going to the gym 4-5 times a week because they looked in the mirror and noticed their stomach hangs out more than their feet or there are 4 rolls now instead of 3 or their thighs are touching or they can't even fit into their "fat day" pair of jeans anymore. However, there are also many private reasons. Maybe Fat Person actually IS pregnant and didn't tell Gossip because she's not ready to announce it to the whole crew yet. Or maybe Suddenly Skinny actually does have some sort of eating disorder. Before deciding whether or not you're going to mention the weight change, just think over all the possibilities and ponder whether it's worth it or not.

2. The size of your clothes is not the determining factor. We've all known that person (your mom, perhaps?) who is so accustomed to being a size 12 that when she gains 10 pounds and needs to bump it up to a 14 she just refuses. This causes muffin top and actually makes the person look even bigger, whereas if they would just buy a bigger size they would look better. Let's face it, I'm a size 2 at New York & Company and a size 8 at Express. I'm not going to try to fit my big butt into a pair of size 2 skinny jeans at Express. The zipper would get stuck (if I could even get them up past my thighs), the seam in the butt would rip, new rolls would appear out of nowhere, and/or every time I'd go to put them on I'd have to do at least 15 minutes of squatting and calisthenics. (In the words of Chingy, I'd have to "jump up and down," "wiggle it around," and "lay back on the bed just to zip em up." You know there's thick girls from the STL down to the A-Town.) Bottom line is (no pun intended) that it's okay to go up or down a few sizes if it looks hot (for example, if yo waist so little and yo ass is like woah) and/or it feels comfy.

3. Everyone has their own (and sometimes multiple) definitions of fat. If I see a girl that's my size walking down the street, I probably think, "That girl's cute," and would never call her big at all. I might even think she looks skinny. However, I'm allowed to say "God I look so effing fat right now," even though I realize that I'm not fat. I think we should accept this. I'm not offended anymore when my skinny friend says "I'm fat" because for her, maybe she is a little fat. She's not saying that I'm fat, just because I happen to be bigger than her. Fat Friend, don't be offended when Skinny Friend feels fat. Maybe Skinny Friend is used to weighing 100 pounds in high school and is struggling with the fact that she's now 115. The opposite also applies. If 300-pound friend drops 40 pounds, it's possible for Skinny Friend to say, "Wow you look skinny!" and really mean it and be happy for them. Basically, we all have our God-given body types and range of acceptable sizes. Conversely, we all have unacceptable sizes as well. If Fat Friend turns into a toothpick or Skinny Friend has a Kirstie Alley experience, Good Friend should intervene and say "Eat some food, bitch," or "You're growing at exponential rates." Or maybe something more encouraging like "Are you okay?...you've lost too much weight," or "Wanna power walk with me?"